you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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