I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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