Need sex. Gaining weight.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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