Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i came on her dog
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
