I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
