just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize