I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
