I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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