I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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