whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize
