Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize