people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
