Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I stole a fireplace last night.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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