Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
