Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
