dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
