He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
