so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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