If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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