i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
