that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Randomize
