tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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