we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
