My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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