I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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