I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
