I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Alive.
So much puke
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
