Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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