Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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