Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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