I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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