I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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