She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
