Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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