I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize