then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i need an iv and a liver transplant
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
