Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
