I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
