someone threw a dead crab at me
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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