She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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