Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
