My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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