I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
