Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Sorry about my life...
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
