it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
