you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Randomize
