Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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