That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
porn star boner night. come get it.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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