He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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