i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
