What did we do last night that was yellow?
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
