dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
