Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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