I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
