Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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