She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
