You really coming over, don't trick.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
you had me at cake vodka
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
