If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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