I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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