i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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