for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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