im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
