I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
