Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
