Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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