you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Life is so much better after having sex.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
i believe in u and ur pee
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
