I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
