he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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