She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
