if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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