you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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