seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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