goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Randomize
