I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
