I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
