3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
